::Unsaved Spreadsheets::

My title is referring to the few spreadsheets I have open right now, making lists for random courses and schedules and all that stuff. Lists are your friends!

Oh, dear. My brother is once again making a lot of noise in the kitchen. He better not throw out the Chinese food (it does feed my soul); he can rid of the cake I made, though.

So last.. Er, last last night I decided to finally make a cake. Not from a box. It took a long time to make, including the buttercream frosting, but it was way fun. Everyone in the house thinks it's yummy.. except me. The frosting is too sweet (you know I like sugar--this is too sweet in a bad way) and the cake tastes too much of flour. Of course, I am sick (thank you, love) and so everything tastes weird as hell. But not the Chinese food. Chinese food is ALWAYS good.

So. So! Are you two, like, boyfriend/girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers?

Yes. Aaanyway. Some updates::

+Finished English with a 91

+Still on page 35 of my screenplay

+My Chemistry course even stumped my uncle, who took 8 semesters of it in college

+Another 2 books were received (Paperback Swap)

+My fear of needles now only extends as far as the ones that go into veins for some medical purpose

+I was given a symbolic knife by Diana, a relatively new friend

Not much else has happened. I really can't wait until I finally have something to blog about, instead of these mundane things that come about from only leaving the house three to six times a month.

AUGUST AUGUST AUGUST.

Or even summer. I'm not really picky. As long as I'm out. Cheers.

Love and other indoor sports (like the inevitable tripping),

Blue Disastrous

::OH My Dog::

But not a Big Fuckin' Dog by any means.

Where to begin, where to begin?

Yesteryesterday my mum randomly is like, "I think I want to go to Monterey tomorrow."

And so we went. Obviously--this was a Kai visit. Sadly enough, from 9 to 11, then maybe 3 to 7, we were asleep. It was a truly lazy day.

I do love spending time with Kai, even if we are being crazy weird--especially if we're being crazy weird. And oi! I actually beat him. Yay for a shiny Mill deck!

After a point we just wanted to get out. Get a grilled cheese like a Sim's aspiration gone wrong. Only, there were people in the lobby, so that is where we went after obtaining said grilled cheese. (There were no napkins or paper towels to speak of, so I had to soil the wolves howling on Kai's knees--which totally doesn't sound awkward.)

You know, I'm really getting to like these lobby-people. Today I saw most of the best, and none of the worst. Speaking of, Kelly is very kind. She baked Kai a late-birthday cake. Nyan.

In all of her niceness, and the cake's niceness.. it was Funfetti. And so, the spiteful baker in Blue is moving on.

Yes, Kai, a cake can be made without any cardboard to speak of.

Of course, in this newfound need to learn to bake from scratch comes the rest. I'm adopting Mum's tradition--or Ken and Laura's, more like--which is, basically, to try a new recipe EVERY DAY. MWAHAHA. Yes, love up the evil laughter. Anyway, this is most likely going to lead into planning full menus every two weeks. Just like Mum. And Laura. And Sara.

That said, if anyone has any particularly tasty recipes they'd like to share, it would be appreciated. Printed and cooked, and then appreciated.

On the note of paperful needs, the screenplay is now a few pages longer, thanks to Chuu. Annoyingly, Chuu only likes to send messages shorter than 130 characters, and so Chuu spammed up my email. Ahh, Chuu..

Summer is coming. Quickly. It's scaring the hell out of me. Less than a month, and I'll be done. I hope. I may need to rely on the help of Magical Decision Dime and Magical Empty Weird Tiny Plastic Cup, but at least it'll be over with, nyan?

AUGUST.

No. I take that back. Orientation, then Mayhem/Blue's Birthday, and THEN August. Maybe with some form of camping trip or beach B&B stay injected in there. Tis a good plan, nyan?

Garble warble didgeridoo. Yeah, I went there.

Someone please sort out this mind.

Love and other indoor sports (made for you, me and the creepers),

Blue Disastrous

::I'm Up Anyway::

Wowie wowie wowie, I have oodles of poodles to catch up on.

On the agenda for toni--this morning, so I don't forget.

+Du'Pont outing

+Relationship issues

+Screnzy

+Mental issues

+School

+My dad

+Lastly Dick Clark, just because

Are you ready? Here we go.

Du'Pont Outing.

So, on Saturday I went out to Tracy to meet up with my twin to go over some Chemistry. Woo. Fun, right?

Mum and I were late. Pathetically late. Luckily, that got me out of meeting Vince's dad (sorry, Vince), so that was all good. So, as we park, Vince comes over and tries to open the door. Which was locked. MWAHAHAHA.

We all went into Barnes and Noble, because where else is better? Nowhere. Duh. But then we had to have a random lady bring a random table to a random place so I could plug in Mr. Toptop. Because, of course, I'm so cool that I must have my very own outlet in the middle of the stationery section, right by the fiction section, wedding section, and quill/ink bottle display thing.

And then of COURSE Mum has to whip out this stack of pictures and give it to Vince. So he saw me as a Rugrat, which was kind of okay, since I don't think he holds it against me. All I can say is, I'm glad I'm not nearly so pudgey as I was as a childling. Though, I did look much happier back then.

I open up my window for Chemistry, all while listening to A Very Potter Musical with Vince, singing it all and dancing about. Because obviously we're cool like that.

HO SHAT. Sorry, the house settled/cracked and I swear the ceiling was going to cave in.

Anyway, we tried Chemistry. Maybe for half an hour. Neither of us had a clue, so Vince pulled out the Magical Decision Dime and threw it into the Magical Empty Weird Tiny Plastic Cup and spun it about. And the Magical Decision Dime chose my answers for me. What did I get?

Actually, I'm not sure. Let me check.

An 82. A B. Wow, saying that is weird. But still! I got a B for random guesses. Now, if only I could have as much luck all the time.

Eventually we gave up because the lessons were so boring and unclear that even Vince, Mr. I-got-a-130-something-percent-in-Chemistry-back-in-my-day, didn't understand it. It IS online, so it's not like we could really ask an active teacher any questions.

So, we gave up and headed to Hot Topic. Of course, there's nothing new, and we didn't have any pot of gold or anything, so we didn't buy anything. Some videos and pictures inside and out of Hot Topic were taken. We basically played with store merch and moved on to going to Target, where Vince got slightly sweetened tea. BLEH. Tea. Bleh.

..Tea.

BLEH.

Only then, Mum had to go eat. So we dashed (or, strolled, er.. yeah.. strolled..) back to Barnes and Noble so I could grab my bag (with Mr. Toptop). What did we do after that? I'm not sure.

All I know is that we did a BUNCH of random things. Vince made his bed in a freezer. We went to Sanrio to see if they had any more, er, spikes.. HALLO, I want gauges (not that Mum would let me, psh) as well as my labret. Sigh.

So that's where my safety pin went..

Anyway! We also walked aaaall the way to Round Table to discover we weren't really so hungry after all. I mean, I had already filled up on random-purple-flower-garlic--

Okay. That is a lie. But really, Vince told me it was safe. And I trust him. But I had nothing to drink in case after eating it my mouth tasted like.. like.. I dunno, bee fur.

Eventually we did make it BACK to Round Table and we split a Medium (with a capital M) pizza, pepperoni and olives versus plain ol' cheese. MWAHAHA. Again. The pizza wasn't much a good idea, though. Sunday, my tummy made me pay. BUT, I really enjoyed spending time with my brain twin. As well as Diana, but she can't be helped. Nor can Nymphie. Or any of the others.

Relationship Issues.

Ehh, so, as some (or two) of you may know, I'm a bit--well, mostly--mental. Or you can just call me a Cancer and be on with it. My perception is skewed crazily, and I don't forget emotional trauma of any kind (unless asked point-blank, which was unfortunate last autumn) and that can be quite a bugger when it comes to me being in a relationship.

I do thank Kai for putting up with it.

A couple nights ago, I finally broke down and told the plain truth; I am sick of anything and everything sexual being directed at him. Nyan, I know it's true that that makes up a good portion of conversation at uni. And I understand that. But still, oi! I can't help but to feel awkward and thoroughly upset whenever I hear or see it.

I try to be good. I don't want to end up as the horror story of a girlfriend everyone hates. The over-protective, overly-jealous and generally bitchy girlfriend that attempts to force everything from her happy bubble of a relationship. I purposely try to keep things to myself to avoid being like that. But then, that is what ended up killing me. Along with family issues, and basically being on the run, these feelings shredded my spirit at the end of last year, and fragments are still caught up in me.

It sucks.

But now that I've been honest, now that I've confessed this to Kai, now that I'm BLOGGING about it (which I may regret later), I think the shredded and darkened parts of me will start to go away. Only happiness for the future. And that makes the whole world seem brighter.

Screnzy.

Script Frenzy is only days from being over. If today is the 21st, all Script Frenzy participants have 9 days to be at 100 pages. How many pages should everyone have right now? Around 67 pages.

GUESS WHAT.

Blue is so behind, writing in at 23 pages.

Sure, it won't be easy to catch up. But still, I swear I shall win this one! It's a really great experience, to write a script. Being part in a challenge is fun, too. So, here is my challenge for the rest of the month: Writing around 9 pages per day. Face. Keyboard.

But I promised! I promised I'd finish! Actually accomplishing this.. would mean I'm no longer a failure at everything. Isn't that what everyone else is doing? Struggling (or working smartly) to prove they can finish something like this? In a month? It's pretty amazing.

By the by, my screenplay has evolved from Tunnels into Mindfuck. Yeah. Excuse the non-French.

Psychological Thriller? Whaa? YES.

Mental Issues.

What can I say? Symptoms of ADHD, depression, OCD, and various other things all mashed up in one head can be fun. But it is also.. weird.

And that is that!

School.

Less than a month now to finish my semester of Chemistry and last unit of English. Pressure? Yes. Stress? Yes. Have I tackled things like this before? Yes. Will I finish on time to graduate with the rest of the class (yes, the class I don't know at all whatsoever)? I'd better.

I am really looking forward to summer. Especially because a happy summer means that I've finished Chemistry and I won't need it again (I hope--even if it does come up, I hope not for a WHILE).

Also, I got an email from Ms. Lytle herself, congratulating me and such for my academic success and rewards and things of the like. That is really special. Crazy.

My Dad.

I have no idea why I feel the need to mention this.

Today, my phone went wonky and it said I had received a failed message from my dad, only, I was out of it, and I exited that screen. Bye bye, message. Later, I asked him to resend it, but he said he hadn't sent anything.

Wonderful.

So we were talking. This hasn't happened in.. how long, now? It has to have been at least a month. We talked a bit about what we are both currently doing, then a little bit about college. And then out of nowhere, he says he has to go to call back my brother. Okay then.

Is it true I'm having abandonment issues? Perhaps. I try not to think of it. There are already too many issues.

Lastly, Dick Clark.

Because who doesn't love Dick Clark?

He was adorable today. He looked all stoic (and not Matt's "stoic") while he was sitting on the bench on the porch, watching the storm come in.

Last.. er, last last night, I discovered Dick Clark enjoys playing with my old earphones. Only, not if Marilyn Manson or Lady GaGa is playing through them. He folds his ears all the way back. So far back.. I didn't even know cats' ears could go that far back.

Poor Dick Clark. He and his literal 'Fraidy Cat sister, Duchess, are getting old. They're around 12 years old right now! Looong life for two outside cats.

Dick Clark has some issues getting up. It's like he uses the momentum of bouncing several times back and forth to fling and twist himself up. It's quite sad, but rather cute at the same time.

He is as purry and drooly as usual. He enjoys talking, yawning, being pet (petted?) and long walks on the beach. Or, marina. Shh. He is quite the stud, Dick Clark. Very.. orangey. Very adorable.

Oi, so that was a huge load of possibly-depressing news. Sorry about that. Hopefully, soon, the blog will start to get brighter. Especially after I graduate (woo!), when I won't have Chemistry nagging me. Hehe.

Also, someone in me is extremely spiteful. Which means the fun is about to begin.

Love and other indoor sports (like poodle-shaving),

Blue Disastrous

::Quick, Now, Quick::

I feel really bad for doing this, but I'm going to have to delay what should have been today's post. Today, I did have an awesome day with my adopted Du'Pont twin, but I will have to write a much longer, much more detailed entry tomorrow.

I have been set off once again by the carelessness of someone close.

LOIS,

Blue Disastrous

::Mm, Brains, How Tasty..::

Welcome once again to Zombie Blue's blog. Thanks for reading.

Being a mostly-homeschooled childling, I have the freedom to do my work whenever, and the freedom to totally put everything off otherwise. Because I don't have specific times I MUST go do that important paper on Victorian Poetry, I have gotten my sleeping schedule WAY off track. Hence the zombie feeling. Yesterday/today I stayed up twenty-three hours, then took a nap for five and a half. Woo. Still, zombie-like.

So, updates. I have six books to ship out to people requesting them, and I'm waiting for mine. It is really odd, to me, that people like these types of books, but I suppose if my mum has bought them, other people out there can share that taste in books.

I am STILL shocked about my grants. I keep logging into CMS and looking at my Financial Aid page. I feel like I have Jobberknolls flapping about in my tummy. Is it silly to keep checking it? I doubt it would mysteriously vanish..

So, Mr. Toptop the blue laptop had an adventure today. He traveled in the car! On my lap in a small space, but I could tell he was excited. I mean, his battery life actually lasted a lot longer than it usually would.

I decided to go along with my mum and my uncle to his radiation appointment today for the first time, because my grandma had over her sister and an old friend. Eva, Delores and Gladys. Tell me those DON'T sound like stereotypical granny names. Anyway, they were chattering about and laughing like old hens, so, no thank you. I would rather sit out in a car for half an hour to an hour. Which is what Mum, Mr. Toptop and I did.

It was good, I got to write more to my screenplay freely without distraction from the internet. Maybe I should go to Borders or something more often, and not use their wireless internet. Though, books would probably snag me then. Darn. Coffee shop? I can wear all black (wow, such a stretch from what I usually wear, right?) and pretend to be one of those super cool people you see in the movies who appear so untouchable because of their awesomeness, but then they turn out to be the unfortunate, moody, misunderstood people whose lives are only full of bad things..

Um. No. I don't think so.

Anyway, I've written up to the first main point in my screenplay. Finally. It seems to have taken forever. But now is when I need to start really thinking, how can I build up the structure of the plot? How can I neaten it up, and make it have more impact? One thing I need for sure, though, is to know some ways a person can torture herself.

Oh, yeah. Writing this and not being scared? It'll be a ball.

Love and other indoor sports (oh, don't laugh),

Blue Disastrous

::I Need More Music::

Listening to the same 1246 songs gets pretty monotonous. And yes, I did just spend five minutes trying to remember the word "monotonous" due to another brain fail.

There hasn't been much to blog about lately, and that makes me sad. Sad because I am putting out blog entries that aren't quite worthwhile, and sad because my life is, unfortunately, so uneventful that the highlights of a day include finally finding a book to order and doing another unit in English. And that is definitely not okay.

So, today. First off, once more, I slept until around four. This is also not okay. Anyway, at least I woke up to good news. I got mail!

The reason this is so exciting is that I never get mail. I'm not signed up for any memberships at stores or responsible for paying bills or a receiver of magazines or anything, so all of my mail traffic is the occasional bank statement and--WAIT. Now, I am pretty sure I've explained this before. Brain fail two in a matter of eight minutes.

But this wasn't a bank statement telling me what I already know, or anything from my dad. This.. was the best news I've had in a while. My financial aid award letter.

I've received enough grants to pay for nearly the full total for my freshman year. I can't remember if I screamed or cried or was shocked into silence (it was probably some mixture of these) but this is.. amazing. Beyond that, even. I don't have to beg my dad for help, and I don't have to miss out on college altogether. This is.. the biggest thing that will happen, most likely, until graduation. Huge. Duh. Of course. I'm still shocked.

After that, I don't even know what I did until only a few hours ago. I am pretty sure I only sat staring at the piece of paper for a bit, while other things were happening in the background.

Also, my grandma went out to get another Old Lady Bouffant, also known as The Ridiculous Afro (in my head, at least), so Dick Clark came inside. Not just in my room, either, but in the living room. And he ate my mac n cheese, then rested awkwardly half-off my lap.

Okay, then. I just got off on a very different and passionate tangent. I saw, on a photo album of one of my friends', quite an argument. I clicked. The album was of five pictures, each one containing an emo-ish couple. The first picture, one was kissing the other's cheek. The second, the couple was kissing in the rain. Very classic and cute, and dynamic shot on the photography side of it. The third was two just standing close together. The fourth was an embrace, romantic. The fifth was a sketch of a couple kissing, with credits to someone's DevArt account. Okay. So, why the outrage?

Yep. You guessed it. They were gay couples.

(Er, well, the rain one, I couldn't quite tell if the shorter person is male or female.)

Um. Okay? CUTE and NOT OBSCENE pictures in an album these people didn't have to even click on? It just bothers me that the people who commented with such passionate rage said, "I don't hate gays," but that they didn't want to log into Facebook to see "a bunch of dudes making out." Er.. "(Not that I'm anti-gay.)"

I believe there is only one picture there of one couple of questionable sexuality kissing in the rain. There is no groping, no rubbing, no flying tongues. Nothing at all obscene. Nothing out of the realm of what straight couples normally post. Hell, these pictures were way conservative for what I've seen some of my friends post. If this album shouldn't have been posted, neither should any of straight couples.

Sorry about this tangent. It just really, really bothers me that people show so much hatred toward one group of people while smiling and putting up a front of, "I'm totally supportive!" Did we, as a country, not just get out of a period of time that was full of hatred for a group of people because they have a different shade of skin colour?

Just because of a stupid book..

ANYWAY. Woah. Totally went off again. My original idea, writing of some self-discoveries sparked by another of Sara's blog entries, is now seeming like a very, very bad idea. Too much negativity in one entry. Oi. Let me just say that I've got some more evaluation to do, and I have a lot of personal work to get done and even more issues to get through.

And I'm on page eleven of my screenplay.

Love and other indoor sports (like bashing in skulls, of course),

Blue Disastrous

::Also::

I am giving my permission to be sent off, given away, dumped in a trashcan or whatever else my dad was supposed to do at my wedding.

LOIS,

BD