::Reasons Why::

I have been gone forever. I know this. You know this. The world knows this.

But I have good reason, I swear.

End of the year as an independent study accelerated junior during a period of especially crippling pain from fibro. FUN STUFF.

+Unit 3 of Chemistry

+Unit 4 of Chemistry

+Unit 5 of Chemistry (which is, unfortunately, not an exam unit as usual)

+Community service log mishaps

+PowerPoint summing up my entire life in school thus far

+Obtaining a copy of my transcript

+Obtaining copies of work samples from random classes I don't even know about

+The last bits of the stack of forms for my portfolio

+Resume and cover letter

+Somehow print my (102-page) script when we have no ink for the printer

In three days. THREE DAYS. On top of pain. Or I don't graduate.

I swear, if I make it through this, I am going to throw a party for the IPU (Don't you agree, Du'Pont?).

LOIS,

Blue Disastrous

::I'm Up Anyway::

Wowie wowie wowie, I have oodles of poodles to catch up on.

On the agenda for toni--this morning, so I don't forget.

+Du'Pont outing

+Relationship issues

+Screnzy

+Mental issues

+School

+My dad

+Lastly Dick Clark, just because

Are you ready? Here we go.

Du'Pont Outing.

So, on Saturday I went out to Tracy to meet up with my twin to go over some Chemistry. Woo. Fun, right?

Mum and I were late. Pathetically late. Luckily, that got me out of meeting Vince's dad (sorry, Vince), so that was all good. So, as we park, Vince comes over and tries to open the door. Which was locked. MWAHAHAHA.

We all went into Barnes and Noble, because where else is better? Nowhere. Duh. But then we had to have a random lady bring a random table to a random place so I could plug in Mr. Toptop. Because, of course, I'm so cool that I must have my very own outlet in the middle of the stationery section, right by the fiction section, wedding section, and quill/ink bottle display thing.

And then of COURSE Mum has to whip out this stack of pictures and give it to Vince. So he saw me as a Rugrat, which was kind of okay, since I don't think he holds it against me. All I can say is, I'm glad I'm not nearly so pudgey as I was as a childling. Though, I did look much happier back then.

I open up my window for Chemistry, all while listening to A Very Potter Musical with Vince, singing it all and dancing about. Because obviously we're cool like that.

HO SHAT. Sorry, the house settled/cracked and I swear the ceiling was going to cave in.

Anyway, we tried Chemistry. Maybe for half an hour. Neither of us had a clue, so Vince pulled out the Magical Decision Dime and threw it into the Magical Empty Weird Tiny Plastic Cup and spun it about. And the Magical Decision Dime chose my answers for me. What did I get?

Actually, I'm not sure. Let me check.

An 82. A B. Wow, saying that is weird. But still! I got a B for random guesses. Now, if only I could have as much luck all the time.

Eventually we gave up because the lessons were so boring and unclear that even Vince, Mr. I-got-a-130-something-percent-in-Chemistry-back-in-my-day, didn't understand it. It IS online, so it's not like we could really ask an active teacher any questions.

So, we gave up and headed to Hot Topic. Of course, there's nothing new, and we didn't have any pot of gold or anything, so we didn't buy anything. Some videos and pictures inside and out of Hot Topic were taken. We basically played with store merch and moved on to going to Target, where Vince got slightly sweetened tea. BLEH. Tea. Bleh.

..Tea.

BLEH.

Only then, Mum had to go eat. So we dashed (or, strolled, er.. yeah.. strolled..) back to Barnes and Noble so I could grab my bag (with Mr. Toptop). What did we do after that? I'm not sure.

All I know is that we did a BUNCH of random things. Vince made his bed in a freezer. We went to Sanrio to see if they had any more, er, spikes.. HALLO, I want gauges (not that Mum would let me, psh) as well as my labret. Sigh.

So that's where my safety pin went..

Anyway! We also walked aaaall the way to Round Table to discover we weren't really so hungry after all. I mean, I had already filled up on random-purple-flower-garlic--

Okay. That is a lie. But really, Vince told me it was safe. And I trust him. But I had nothing to drink in case after eating it my mouth tasted like.. like.. I dunno, bee fur.

Eventually we did make it BACK to Round Table and we split a Medium (with a capital M) pizza, pepperoni and olives versus plain ol' cheese. MWAHAHA. Again. The pizza wasn't much a good idea, though. Sunday, my tummy made me pay. BUT, I really enjoyed spending time with my brain twin. As well as Diana, but she can't be helped. Nor can Nymphie. Or any of the others.

Relationship Issues.

Ehh, so, as some (or two) of you may know, I'm a bit--well, mostly--mental. Or you can just call me a Cancer and be on with it. My perception is skewed crazily, and I don't forget emotional trauma of any kind (unless asked point-blank, which was unfortunate last autumn) and that can be quite a bugger when it comes to me being in a relationship.

I do thank Kai for putting up with it.

A couple nights ago, I finally broke down and told the plain truth; I am sick of anything and everything sexual being directed at him. Nyan, I know it's true that that makes up a good portion of conversation at uni. And I understand that. But still, oi! I can't help but to feel awkward and thoroughly upset whenever I hear or see it.

I try to be good. I don't want to end up as the horror story of a girlfriend everyone hates. The over-protective, overly-jealous and generally bitchy girlfriend that attempts to force everything from her happy bubble of a relationship. I purposely try to keep things to myself to avoid being like that. But then, that is what ended up killing me. Along with family issues, and basically being on the run, these feelings shredded my spirit at the end of last year, and fragments are still caught up in me.

It sucks.

But now that I've been honest, now that I've confessed this to Kai, now that I'm BLOGGING about it (which I may regret later), I think the shredded and darkened parts of me will start to go away. Only happiness for the future. And that makes the whole world seem brighter.

Screnzy.

Script Frenzy is only days from being over. If today is the 21st, all Script Frenzy participants have 9 days to be at 100 pages. How many pages should everyone have right now? Around 67 pages.

GUESS WHAT.

Blue is so behind, writing in at 23 pages.

Sure, it won't be easy to catch up. But still, I swear I shall win this one! It's a really great experience, to write a script. Being part in a challenge is fun, too. So, here is my challenge for the rest of the month: Writing around 9 pages per day. Face. Keyboard.

But I promised! I promised I'd finish! Actually accomplishing this.. would mean I'm no longer a failure at everything. Isn't that what everyone else is doing? Struggling (or working smartly) to prove they can finish something like this? In a month? It's pretty amazing.

By the by, my screenplay has evolved from Tunnels into Mindfuck. Yeah. Excuse the non-French.

Psychological Thriller? Whaa? YES.

Mental Issues.

What can I say? Symptoms of ADHD, depression, OCD, and various other things all mashed up in one head can be fun. But it is also.. weird.

And that is that!

School.

Less than a month now to finish my semester of Chemistry and last unit of English. Pressure? Yes. Stress? Yes. Have I tackled things like this before? Yes. Will I finish on time to graduate with the rest of the class (yes, the class I don't know at all whatsoever)? I'd better.

I am really looking forward to summer. Especially because a happy summer means that I've finished Chemistry and I won't need it again (I hope--even if it does come up, I hope not for a WHILE).

Also, I got an email from Ms. Lytle herself, congratulating me and such for my academic success and rewards and things of the like. That is really special. Crazy.

My Dad.

I have no idea why I feel the need to mention this.

Today, my phone went wonky and it said I had received a failed message from my dad, only, I was out of it, and I exited that screen. Bye bye, message. Later, I asked him to resend it, but he said he hadn't sent anything.

Wonderful.

So we were talking. This hasn't happened in.. how long, now? It has to have been at least a month. We talked a bit about what we are both currently doing, then a little bit about college. And then out of nowhere, he says he has to go to call back my brother. Okay then.

Is it true I'm having abandonment issues? Perhaps. I try not to think of it. There are already too many issues.

Lastly, Dick Clark.

Because who doesn't love Dick Clark?

He was adorable today. He looked all stoic (and not Matt's "stoic") while he was sitting on the bench on the porch, watching the storm come in.

Last.. er, last last night, I discovered Dick Clark enjoys playing with my old earphones. Only, not if Marilyn Manson or Lady GaGa is playing through them. He folds his ears all the way back. So far back.. I didn't even know cats' ears could go that far back.

Poor Dick Clark. He and his literal 'Fraidy Cat sister, Duchess, are getting old. They're around 12 years old right now! Looong life for two outside cats.

Dick Clark has some issues getting up. It's like he uses the momentum of bouncing several times back and forth to fling and twist himself up. It's quite sad, but rather cute at the same time.

He is as purry and drooly as usual. He enjoys talking, yawning, being pet (petted?) and long walks on the beach. Or, marina. Shh. He is quite the stud, Dick Clark. Very.. orangey. Very adorable.

Oi, so that was a huge load of possibly-depressing news. Sorry about that. Hopefully, soon, the blog will start to get brighter. Especially after I graduate (woo!), when I won't have Chemistry nagging me. Hehe.

Also, someone in me is extremely spiteful. Which means the fun is about to begin.

Love and other indoor sports (like poodle-shaving),

Blue Disastrous

::Pasta Blends with Nothing::

You see, it tries to be Davey while singing 100 Words. And you know it makes sense.

As you know, I have not blogged in a very long time. Why is this, you ask? Why am I sitting in front of the laptop (rather, it sitting on me) nearly all day, every day, and I've not blogged?

Simple. Because I, you see, am lazy. And forgetful.

Basically, I have been feeling like I have the flu (especially yesterday) and of course that affects my brain which goes, "Whee! Ima pretend I go to Hogwarts! And plan a wedding that is still a star away! And build a Mill deck (which is kickass, if I do say so myself--not that I'd play anyone other than Kai, for now)!"

Also, it makes me type many typos and many R's and \'s from my obsessive-compulsive typing. Which is very ridiculous. And not in the "OH HAY, BOGGART" way.

What I am trying to say is, as far as anything of importance in the real world (or semi-real world, actually, which kills that dreadful TV show from ages ago) goes, I've fallen off the face of the Earth. Like, really, gravity has selectively chosen me to not receive its almighty sucking/pulling ima-make-you-this-many-pounds-mwahahahaha powers. I have only done a few hours of schoolwork, I have not updated my blog, I have not been on Facebook (which is actually good, since it's distracting, but bad because I'm keeping up some old friendships there--how bittersweet), and I have not been on top of any of my college stuff.

Which reminds me! Today, as I've started to look back into everything important, I noticed that.. FINALLY CALGRANTS HAS RECEIVED AND KEYED IN MY GPA FORM, YAAAAAAY!!

You may not throw me a party at which you shall serve me Funfetti cake with lavendar buttercream frosting, and you shall lay a fluffy kitty on my lap, as well as a dark crown upon my head and call me your Mistress, as you are now my evil minions who will help me take over the world with my mind-controlling novels.

That is all.

But really, I'm excited about that. And I'm excited to hear back from every financial aid place. I have a 3.5 GPA, which (hopefully) will be higher when I graduate. I thought it was worse. So now I'm really happy.

Also, I am really happy that I got to see Kai on his birthday. He is now 17 (again--NOT THE MOVIE, PLEASE) and it was a happy occasion. Except there was no cake. Why was there no cake? Because he wanted Lucky Charms marshmallow treats and I was going to give them to him! But he didn't even shove one of the emo candles in it to make a wish! Really! What kind of birthday is that, Kai?!

Still, a fun one. We saw How to Train Your Dragon, which was actually very entertaining. It was also in 3D. I'm happy with 3D now. It is no longer the IMA-POP-OUT-AND-GRAB-YOU-OR-STAB-OUT-YOUR-EYE-MWAHAHAHA 3D, but Real3D, which is.. good. I don't like the first-mentioned type of 3D. It is freakish, and no matter how well I know it is fake, it scares me. Me, Blue, the girl who laughs through horror movies. It is very sad.

Sigh. Now, apparently my tummy wants to sing along with the pasta mentioned waaay up there. I do have all of Crash Love stuck in my head. I hated it at first, but now I'm borderline-obsessed. Also, I was temporarily obsessed with the game Imperfect Balance, which is why my eyes are being weird and every word I read or type is falling "off-screen" and bursting into a billion shards of glass.

All right, so! My agenda for the rest of the week is as follows:

+Actually work on cleaning the room. This means leaving my laptop off and instead playing music on my iHome made just for that purpose so I can't get distracted.

+Actually work on schoolwork, and hopefully a lot of it to catch up before..

+..my PLP meeting, which is going to suck because of the fact I have been neglecting my work for VH and French and an un-birthday birthday and somewhat-fake wedding planning. But honestly, they're a lot more fun than wasting hours to get through pointless work that teaches me nothing.

+Get Mum to do what she needs to do for my financial aid process. She knows. She knows.

+Meet with Vince! And do the shoot! And catch up! And not be awkward! We are, after all, twins. And he knows if he tries anything, I shall shout incest and start an epic brawl that I will probably lose. But he is one of the guys that lives by the code of chivalry, which is why I keep him around. I could babble about his awesomeness but it would get very awkward for quite a few people.

+Not hate on the people I hold a grudge against. Which means, at the moment, two girls who do not know when to stop and do not know what boundaries are and who do not understand anger (or they do, and still act how they do to continue making me feel this way, because they know I will never publicly unleash my wrath upon them, and I only ever do see them in public). Though, they both deserve hating, however illogical that is, so I shall continue to hate them and hope I do not see them EVER, EVER again. Unfortunately, I may be stuck with them for a few years. I hope not.

+Absorb more Japanese and French. This does not mean speaking French in Japanese or speaking Japanese in French. How I will keep these as two separate entities remains to be seen.

+Get all other eight to stop crowding me, despite the current anger I just caused by making this known.

+Prepare for Screnzy. That is pretty self-explanatory.

+Learn to prepare more meals so I shall not starve or die from malnutrition in college.

+MAKE EVERYTHING I PROMISED. I am a horrible, horrible person who has been sick and distracted and every other excuse. But the army of fleece kitties is coming, I swear.

+Start sleeping regularly.

Speaking of sleeping regularly, it is nearly three, which is not going to help anything at all. But it is not my fault that the blogs of those I follow are really interesting. It is, however, my fault that I just decided to start reading them at midnight, and also that I have been away so long that I STILL haven't caught up on all the blogs.

Unfortunately for now, this means I must leave. You all must be rolling your eyes or jumping for joy (butt-jumping from your chairs?) that finally this blog is getting wrapped up.

But, instead, I shall make it longer.

CLICK AND WATCH.

That is all.

Love and other indoor sports (like doing the Can-Can while asleep),

Blue Disastrous

P.S. My legs still hurt.

::How "Ironic"::

Or, what people say is ironic but is really just.. sad.

"I need to go, I need to get out of here. I feel like I'm going crazy."

That line, most often said by me (literally at least five times a day, in my head or otherwise), was just spoken by my mum. And I wanted to yell out, "WELCOME TO MY LIFE."

Things are just plain crazy over here. It's just.. too much.

I have about six months left. Maybe less, if somehow, I dunno, Kai and I can go on a random summer camping adventure, or something--which is hardly likely. But still! So close to sanity..

So, today I'm supposed to be doing Chemistry, or English, or sewing, but I am feeling quite lazy again.

Oh! I realised that I kinda dropped my To-Do Lists, but I have an even better alternative. Zoho! So, if anyone is interested (who knows, are you nuts?) you can go hither to see what I need to do and which dates are important and for what.. I like having something so readily available to keep me on track.

Oh my dog! My next post (after this one, that is) will be number one hundred! Wewt! It sure did take a while, but I'm there. That's kinda cool. I hope the next hundred entries will be happier, and not so dramatic, and maybe some interesting things will happen so this is less an emo diary and more like a, "Hey! Look! Coolness!"

That is all.

Love and other indoor sports (like.. I've got nothing),

Blue Disastrous

::ATTACK OF THE GIANT LESBO PILLOW::

..Nuff said.

Today, I had three things repeating in my mind: "ow ow ow", "loft loft loft", and "lesbopillow lesbopillow lesbopillow".

Does that tell you much about my day?

Good. Because that was all.

Except now it is a bit past one, so it was technically yesterday. My excitement of the day? Mint chip ice cream.

And nothing was picture-worthy.

Buu.

To-Do:

+Drop off the giant pillow

+Bake Matt his late-as-hell birthday cupcake

+Drop off said cupcake

+Make it to school without keeling over

+Japanese: PAY ATTENTION AND PRACTICE. And this does not mean repeating everything Miyu tells me to. At least when Takada-sensei isn't asking me.

+Study for the Japanese final with Angie on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, if possible

+Take said Japanese final

+Go see Niemi and be afraid of his surprise for me (which I really hope is an acceptable pass for Chemistry--or at least the labs) and also remind him that I need to have my transcript updated and sent to CSUMB and CSUS by Friday. Because I doubt that even though the deadline is the first, they will take it on a Sunday.

+Rush to Music, with my tail between my legs, and mumble some excuse for not practicing bass much (poor Skittles, she hates dust--not Dustin) and ask for the final

+Take said final

+Send in transcript to colleges

+Go to eye appointment--do not blind self or stab eyes out before then

+Take more pictures

+Get EPT/ELM scores and send them to colleges (unless.. wait, I think I told them to send them on my answer sheet thingy. No. Thingymajigger. There we go..)

+DO NOT STRESS

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some Z's to catch. I have to wake up at 5:30. Yes, a.m. Thanks.

Love and other indoor sport (like hunting and catching floating Z's),

Blue Disastrous

P.S. Loftloftloftloftloftloftloftloftloft~

::Disgusting Repetition::

Writing, writing, writing.

Schoolwork schoolwork schoolwork.

Writing writing writing.

Carrot, carrot, carrot.

Ice cream ice cream ice cream.

Writing, writing, writing.

Kai leaving, Kai leaving, Kai leaving.

At least I'm really good at writing hiragana and katakana now.

Finished Econ with a 99. Niemi is being freakish again, his head being filled with "sophist argumentation" and whatnot. He's in Malibu with the Debate team. I hope they win. They really are awesome.

Hm, so I woke up this morning first, kitty-less. Or would it be "kittyless"? Or "kittiless"? Something.. The point is, ChristoFUR was not warming my tummy or suffocating me. Second, my mum told me to hurry up and get ready because Grandma and we were going to lunch and grocery shopping.

Third and worst, I woke up to the first day of Kai being gone. I keep feeling the darkness of depression trying to seep in. I'm fighting it.

Fighting, fighting, fighting.

We ended up going to La Pinata, except not, because it needs a ~ over the n and also the La Pinata in our area is La Pin-squiggle-ata 2. Yes, I know the real name for said squiggle, but I just like saying "squiggle", thanks.

Pork, beans, cheese (and some random mild peppers and onions that burned my throat viciously) all wrapped in a too-crispy flour tortilla. Their burritos are huge, I swear.

I didn't really feel up to shopping. I got another hat order from a random waitress, and that made me want to sew--and that made me realise I have no time, as I must first get my school stuff straight to not be an Epic Fail and miss out on a year of college, even though that is where I am supposed to be. But I don't like making things easier, now do I?

I was dropped off.

Listened to the Alternative Music channel on TV. Made a huge list of every artist I heard, which I'd post here if only I had not not-capitalised them.

And I finished Econ. And started the process of disgusting repetition to practice Japanese for my final this week. It really does help.

See?

..This reminds me this was the only picture I took today that means anything. Oh well.

I really miss Kai. It is only his first day back, too. And sadly the mysterious disappearances are beginning, which I'll have to get used to again, without the added pain of darkness. Because that is just stupid.

I have decided to add a new part to my entries. A to-do list. Those are fun, hm?

To-Do List:

+Finish Kai's mum's friend's pillow

+Drop off said pillow

+Bake Matt his late-as-hell birthday cupcake

+Drop off said cupcake

+Make it to school without keeling over

+Japanese: PAY ATTENTION AND PRACTICE. And this does not mean repeating everything Miyu tells me to. At least when Takada-sensei isn't asking me.

+Study for the Japanese final with Angie on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, if possible

+Take said Japanese final

+Go see Niemi and be afraid of his surprise for me (which I really hope is an acceptable pass for Chemistry--or at least the labs) and also remind him that I need to have my transcript updated and sent to CSUMB and CSUS by Friday. Because I doubt that even though the deadline is the first, they will take it on a Sunday.

+Rush to Music, with my tail between my legs, and mumble some excuse for not practicing bass much (poor Skittles, she hates dust--not Dustin) and ask for the final

+Take said final

+Send in transcript to colleges

+Go to eye appointment--do not blind self or stab eyes out before then

+Take more pictures

+DO NOT STRESS

..It's short, no?

..No.

Love and other indoor sports (like extreme kitty Scotch-tape-dancing),

Blue Disastrous